Heather the Heathen

I grew up a Methodist. I went to one Methodist church or another all the way through childhood and into early adulthood. When I was a senior in high school one of my casual friends mentioned that she was an atheist. To that point in my life I had never known an atheist, at least as far as I know. I was just a little bit offended by her beliefs, and I asked her how she could reject god. She very calmly, very patiently explained it to me.

The talk did not turn me to atheism. What our talk did was initiate within me some critical thinking concerning god, religion, and the possibility that there was no god out there in space. Before, I had never thought about it. I had simply assumed that what I had been told was the truth. I was not unindoctrinated away from Methodism and re-indoctrinated into atheism. My own critical, rational thinking turned me to atheism. Unless there is significant information uncovered demonstrating that a god does exist, I will almost assuredly never go back to practicing religion.

I am different from many atheists in that I want there to be a god. I want to go somewhere when my mortal being dies. I don’t like the idea of an eternity of nothingness. The notion bothers me. There never was a time when I knew that a god existed, but there was a time when I believed a god existed. I can no longer believe such a thing, but I can still hope there is a god. So that’s what I do; I hope that there is a god.

As an ex-Methodist, I know a little about the Bible. Also, I know that there are, in effect, thousands of religious beliefs around the world. I do not particularly like the god as he is generally depicted in the Bible. He is jealous and has moments of cruelty [Hosea 3:16; Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.]. But there are literally thousands of religions in the world and there is no logical reason why one religion should be any more valid than the next, therefore I am free to make-up my own religion, if not to believe in, at least to hope for.

First, the god of my hopes is a friendly god. He is amicable and easy to talk to. He is a self-confident god and therefore he does not demand prayer or worship. My god doesn't dictate what a person can eat, or how a person can dress. He likes a good joke. My version of god smiles when he witnesses a person telling a silly white lie. And he shakes his head and rolls his eyes when he sees a motorist denying speeding to the policeman who pulled him over. However, the god I am hoping for will become angry with a murderer or a rapist. Such loathsome individuals receive punishment from my god, harsh punishment, but these transgressors are not subjected to cruelty. That’s where my god is different. The god I long for allows for repentance, even after death. An eternity in hell? My god is not that sadistic.

I certainly do not know if my god exists. In truth, I do not actually believe that he exists. But I most assuredly hope that he exists. What’s more, I hope that he reads this post, smiles and nods in agreement. I think that would be a really great god.