I'm Just Too Simple Minded

Sometimes I think I’m just too simple-minded when it comes to men. It actually angers me that I’m this way. Some guy picks me up for a date in a nice, new, fancy car and it disappoints me because it isn’t some ordinary, seven year-old Chevrolet. Another thing that bothered me was his clothing. It wasn’t that he dressed too nice, it was that he dressed too expensive. Why couldn’t he have worn some slightly worn plaid shirt? Even his haircut looked expensive. Why am I this way? Maybe I feel intimidated by such things, or maybe it's just an odd form of discrimination that has no basis. I wish I knew.

One of my favorite times out with a guy was when we picked up a pizza, ate it at a picnic table in a park, and then went miniature golfing at this place where everything was so dilapidated, it looked as if it was a week from going out of business. Just before we left, my date carried on a friendly, two minute conversation with an old lady who was running the place. He entranced and fascinated me, and then never called me again. I guess that can happen.

None of this is new. When I was twelve years old I had a crush on a boy who was practically a modern-day Huckleberry Finn. He didn’t care about video games or the newest geek stuff. He was too busy fishing in the Olentangy River, or riding his bicycle to who-knows-where with one of his rowdy friends. I wanted more than anything for him to take me with him, but he never did. If he were just a wild kid I wouldn’t have paid any attention to him. But he was more than that. Now and then he would sit with me on the porch steps and we would talk. One time he told me not only that I was pretty, but I was going to be even prettier when I grew up. How could I not have a crush? I never saw him in nice clothes.   

Don’t get me wrong, I like guys who know when to be clean and well-groomed. I hate the slightest hint of body odor. I like getting dressed up and going to fancy restaurants. I have had a daydream where a friendly, courteous guy takes me to a beautiful restaurant. Once we get seated in a booth, he points up to this big, sparkling chandelier, and then self-mockingly jokes, “I’ve got one just like that hanging from the ceiling in my bathroom.” His humor gives me a hint of who he is, and so does the gentle smile that follows it. We order our dinner and then he softly asks me if I'm having a good time. And of course I am. I’m to simple-minded not to.