I Am Saying Goodbye

A few years ago I was in a relationship with this guy, a relationship that lasted about a year and a half. He was 12 years older than me but I did not care. I thought he was a great guy. When he broke it off, I was really devastated. It took a while to get my feet back on the ground. Truth is; I still miss him now and then.

Anyway, when the dust from that relationship settled and I thought it was time to get back into the swing of things, I decided I would try OKCupid, the dating website. At that same time I had also been thinking about starting a blog. I wanted to have a blog where I could say my silly stuff, but I could also write about personal things that were more private. I then got this bright idea to combine both the blog and my OKCupid account. I figured I could put my blog address in my OKCupid profile, that way if someone wanted to know a little more about me, all he would have to do is go to my blog. It seemed so brilliant, but in reality it was perhaps not my best idea.

The problem is; when I meet someone I have contacted through OKCupid, that person knows of my blog and where it can be found on the Net. Consequently if I were to write about the person, he might very well read it. That’s okay when the skies are blue, but sometimes the skies get cloudy and dark, and I want to write about those rainy days too. And that’s just it; one thing my blog cannot do is hurt someone. When it comes to my blog; that is the only thing that is absolutely taboo. A few months ago I decided that I would never again mention someone in my blog who knew of the blog. That’s been an easy promise to keep until recently. I could write my feelings about my ex-boyfriend Chris because I never told him of this blog. 

One week ago today I went out with a guy I met through OKCupid. We had a great time playing pool, and so when he called and asked me if I wanted to do something on Saturday I told him I most certainly did. I would have loved to display my silly giddiness in this blog, but I would not allow myself to do that because he knew of my blog. And what that means has now become very clear; it means that I cannot be true to what I need my blog to be. That simple reality hit me on Wednesday when I deleted a joyful blog entry about my date. 

So, I see only one answer. I think this entry will act as the blog epilogue. I have enjoyed writing my idiotic entries, the personal ones and the not-so-personal ones too. My sadness is tempered by the fact that almost no one read this goofball blog, and that I may start another blog someday, perhaps someday soon. Of course the next time I will make sure that anyone dumb enough to read my nutty thoughts is not, and will never be someone I might come to know personally. It will be a blog just for my eyes, and the eyes of any anonymous, unfortunate person who happens to read it.

I live and learn.